**warning: personal & sad
a couple weeks ago someone asked me what the worst thing that has ever happened to me was. I gave a bullshit answer about my parents getting divorced, which obviously sucked but anyone with eyeballs could have seen it coming. I'm a very realistic person (you could even say pessimistic) and pretty much anything that's been thrown at me, I had been expecting somewhat. prepare for the worst and hope for the best has always been my motto. that conversation made me realize that compared to a lot of my friends and family, my life has been pretty damn easy.
and then 15 days ago my world turned upside down and my dad passed away. it was unexpected and undoubtably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. my dad was my best friend. there is no one on earth that I have talked to half as much as him. as embarrassing as it is to say, I ran 90% of my life decisions by him. from boys to colleges to outfits, he was there for every possible situation I could have thrown at him. the weekend before my first college finals week, he drove to grand forks to pick me up to take me to a twins game because I was running up his minutes with my constant panicked crying calls and he thought I needed to chill out. he's the greatest man I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I am so proud to say I'm his daughter. it's incredibly hard to even write this, but there's this strange numb feeling that takes over your heart and mind when you realize nothing will ever be the same again. that feeling is just about the only thing that helps me make it through the day without nonstop crying. it's awakening to see the people who are actually there for you when you need them. some of the ones you would have considered your closest friends post on your facebook wall, which I do appreciate.. but then people you had no idea cared so much send you even just a text. such a simple gesture but so incredibly meaningful when it seems like there is no more meaning in things. my dad prepared me for everything in life, except this.
growing up, my dad always had a camera in his hands. I have about eighty kabillion photos of myself growing up, and luckily he's in a few. I only have a handful of photos of him from the last few years, and it's devastating. I'm still having a hard time saying any good at all came from this, but I do know so much more than before that we should all cherish those close to us. friends, family, pets, everyone. these photos are my sister and niece. these two mean the absolute world to me and I couldn't have gotten through a single one of the last 15 days without them. my dad was an avid advocate for Indian rights, low income, elderly, and pretty much any other underdog you can think of. he donated to countless churches, schools, and organizations. (I wasn't exaggerating when I said he was the greatest man I'd ever met) it seems that he was loved by half the nation, and it also seems that about a quarter of the nation sent flowers. after giving family every bouquet we possibly could, giving a nursing home twice as many arrangements as they said we could leave, and even throwing away a few of the early wilters, my kitchen and dining room were still a huge greenhouse (which I honestly love, you can never have too many flowers). so my sister suggested we make floral crowns and take a few photos. whenever my sister says "we should" she actually means "you should", so these photos are my first attempt at floral crowns and a sweet reminder of all the good my dad did in this world. enjoy.
CONGRATS, you deserve an award for making it through my most depressing post ever (hopefully it will be only happy posts from here on out). but thanks for reading. like I said, I wish I had just a few more recent photos with my dad. so I'll be doing $50 quick family sessions until the end of the month. I'll come to whatever Bis-Man location you wish and snap 5-10 photos.
